Today I went to my mom's to clean. As I was there I decided to put a DVD in of Bradley skydiving less than a year before his accident. As I stood in my mom's living room, I pushed play on the DVD player...there he was "BRAD", my cousin, with that big grin on his face, so excited and "pumped baby" as he said on the DVD to be there with his best friends (Ricky, Daniel and Keith) fixing to jump out of an airplane. He was SUCH an adventure seeker. Not scared to try anything! He was SO full of life and excited.
As I watched I could literally feel my heart ripping in two yet again, and found myself praying yet again..."God, please"! Seeing him like "he was" before absolutely tore me up!
When I left my mom's, I went to Lynn's where my kids were and decided to take the DVD to let them watch it. We all gathered in her living room and watched it together. I said out loud......"This makes me so sad, I can't hardly stand it". And Chandler said to me..."Why?" "It doesn't make me sad cause I know he will be like that again". He was VERY matter of fact about it!
I know God has a reason for everything. He doesn't "owe" me an explanation at all. He's God!!! One thing I do know is that ALL things work together for the good of those that love Him. God's ways are far above my pitiful thinking. My job is to trust Him. Still, I wish....I hurt....and I wonder. I'm glad God understands that too and I know He does cause we don't experience anything that Jesus has not already experienced.
Em was over not too long ago and we were looking at pictures of Bradley on her computer. It's sorta like I forget who he was before until I see those pictures and it all comes back.
I usually do really good with this and I'm still holding on to the fact that GOD WILL COMPLETE HIS WORK. But today was just different...I guess watching that DVD brought back "Bradley" to me and it made me really sad.
I end this post with a prayer:
Dear Jesus,
PLEASE make Bradley COMPLETELY whole spiritually, physically and mentally!!
Thank you
Friday, February 1, 2008
"Makes me so sad"................"why?"
Posted by Tam at 8:39 PM
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7 comments:
It's sorta like I forget who he was before until I see those pictures and it all comes back
Maybe it's not Brad that has changed but you that has. Thanks for hurting Ceatlynn.
Keep the faith Tam. God IS in control.
I can't even imagine what your family has been through. Keep praying. God is faithful and he is in control.
"But I say unto you, Love your enemies, bless them that curse you, do good to them that hate you, and pray for them which despitefully use you, and persecute you;" Matt 5:44
It makes you sad, Tam, for the same reason Jesus felt forsaken as he hung on the cross - you are human with all the frailties that come with it. And Chandler sees from the heart of a child, which we will all need if we want to enter the kingdom of heaven. I love you.
p.s. Thanks, Amanda.
I truly miss Brad too and we all wait to see what God is going to do...
Thanks for the comments you leave on mine and Amanda's blogs. They're always so nice and encouraging, even though we don't really know each other anymore (except through the internet). It means a lot to know people care, and even more to know that people are praying for us. We pray for you, too, and know God is doing and will continue to do something great through Brad. =)
I pray that EXACT prayer everyday.
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